Judging a Book by Its Cover

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Hipsters must therefore strive at all times to stay a step ahead of everyone else. Worshiping the most obscure bands available and then dismissing them after they come out with their first LP is a good start. Successfully using the phrase “I was into them before…” is rumored to actually make a hipster’s penis larger.

Hipsters also attempt to stay on the cusp of their perverted version of fashion. Are black framed glasses out? Try 60’s horn-rims. Does your friend have his lip pierced? Try cutting yours off. This isn’t about beauty or even basic hygiene. This is about looking like you traveled back from the not too distant future. A future populated by douchebags.